Thursday, February 14, 2013

13 weeks in

I've come to realise recently that in this world there are sharers and non-sharers.

Let me explain as this has nothing to do with the principle your parents taught you about your toys. 

Sharers are those people who fill your newsfeed on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook etc. Simply put, they like to share their life - what they ate, cooked, pictures of their children, wedding, holidays. Good on them too, it's what makes my Facebook a great procrastination tool. 

Then there are the non-sharers, typically the kind of people who will roll their eyes at selfies, delete newsfeed cloggers and update their status every 3 - 4 months. They are more intriguing as you want to know what's going and they simply don't share it. 

There are also over sharers, another kettle of fish altogether. Let’s leave that for another time shall we? 
Further to my thoughts on this topic I have discovered that I'm a sharer and Anthony is a non-sharer. You'll notice this in most couples. Interesting that God always puts two very different people together but more on that later. 

 I'll wear the share tag proudly though. I like to share, especially being in a new phase of my life which means when I finally perfect a meal or see my chilli plant thriving I like to tell the world about it. 

I will share almost everything, except the contents of my dinner plate (seriously, do not take food off my plate it won't end well).

Anthony does not like not sharing. In fact, he doesn't like sharing so much that he won't really like me sharing about his non-sharing ways. 

In the 4 years that we've known each other I've realised Anthony is a morning person. The worst kind. A chirpy, happy morning person who gets things done at 6am and doesn't understand why that isn't normal. 

I am a night owl, coming alive late at night and the grumpiest person you will ever meet before 8am. 

Try having a conversation with Anthony at 10pm. Hilarious, dazed mumbles are all you will get. 

Anthony is tidy, I express myself through organised chaos. (he sometimes refers to this as being 'messy')
Anthony walks fast, I like to stop and smell the roses. 
Anthony likes to get to airports 3 hours early, I prefer 30 mins. 

So why am I sharing this with you?

Let's face it, these are the sort of things that could cause some strain in relationships. The roots of silly little arguments, the grounds for annoyance. I've only been married 13 weeks but I get that this could become something BIG. 

In hindsight though, doesn't it sound a bit ridiculous that it could cause an argument?

Why on earth would we get annoyed at our spouse for something that is simply just in their nature and a part of their God-given DNA. 

Sometimes it could have been the very reason we fell in love with someone to begin with. 

When we were dating, I loved Anthony's neat nature, his punctuality, the fact that he walked with a purpose to get somewhere. 

Another piece of pre-marriage advice was this:

"In the first year of marriage, you will find a hundred reasons why you should be apart but through that what you have to remember are the reasons you are together" 

I'm thankful that I can say I haven't found a reason for Anthony and I to be apart, that seems a little drastic but I do see the point of this. The man can make me crazy but in the midst of a silly argument I remind myself of the man Anthony is and why we seem to fit so well together. A great match like salt and pepper or bread and butter. Just two loving opposites walking through life. 

Corinthians tells us that love is eternal, that it is patient and it doesn't demand its own way, it isn't selfish or proud or rude.  

These things are tough to live up to but remembering that you can tap in to an eternal source of love helps make some of this remotely possible. 

You and I were made in the image of love. Relief. You're not far from perfect love because God is never far from you. 

Now, if you are sharer, I'd love you to share your story with me. 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

8 weeks in

I was a miss the last time we spoke and now I'm a mrs with 8 weeks experience as a fully fledged wife. I feel quite good at it actually.

I love cooking, that makes me a great wife right?

What a whirlwind this whole experience has been. We had a truly perfect rainy wedding day, relaxing, beautiful and fun followed by an equally rainy honeymoon. They say that's good luck.

Now, 8 weeks with my new husband. 

I have loved the last 8 weeks. There were some special moments as well as some interesting times. Like when I was sick for most of our honeymoon and got back to Sydney feeling even worse. Like our first precious days together back home spent sitting in medical centres, doped up on antihistamine - just me, not Anth. We had so many plans for that week too, developing photos, organising furniture and all that fun stuff. Ah well, in sickness and in health it is.

There was Anthony's birthday where I cooked for my family and his and baked my first cake in our apartment (a landmark, truly!), monopoly with my sister and her boyfriend, dinner parties, lazy beach afternoons. There was even the 43 degree night which was the first time ever in the existence of heat waves I had to go without air-conditioning. Tough times indeed. 

I have learnt so much in 8 weeks. I've learnt about having something that's truly yours to look after. Something that you have that is so precious you want to take care of it and nurture it more than you have ever wanted to nurture something before. I'm not just talking about our cute apartment either which I have grown such a fondness for.

8 weeks is still considered the honeymoon period apparently and people like to remind us of that often, they also like to say 'you'll see' and 'just wait'. They also like to remind me of the fact we didn't live together before and how catastrophic it must be to live with someone I barely know (4 years together this month). If you're engaged or newlywed, block it out. All of it.  

I read this poem by F.Burton Howard that I have taken in to my marriage and thought of often in these first 8 weeks:  

If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. 
You shield it and protect it.
You never abuse it.
You don't expose it to the elements. 
You don't make it common or ordinary. 
If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. 
It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. 

Shield, protect, don't abuse, treat it differently, make it special and polish it so it stays. 

I hope if you're reading this and are married or hope to be one day, you'll take this with you. I've received fantastic advice so far and this is one of the best, you'll have this beautiful thing forever so look after it.

On another note, we're renovating soon. Knocking down walls, putting in a new kitchen and bathroom and all that so this blog may turn in to a renovators how-to or how-not-to depending on how we go. If it does go well, you'll see us on The Block next season. That's my plan anyway, I'll tell Anth soon.

Photo by John Benavente Photography

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Our humble beginnings

This blog started because I love reading love stories. Real ones. The ones that make you giddy because you know they're true.  

I'm not talking Fifty Shades of Grey, Twilight, angst and yearning rubbish. In fact, if that's what you're after, you may as well press the little X in the corner of your screen. 

I'm talking real. I've always loved these love stories and I realised not too long ago I have my own to share. 

My story is good too, believe me. Sometimes we're the coolest people to be around, sometimes we're apart when I travel for work and sometimes it's mundane but then sometimes I look at him and love him so much I want to squeeze his cheeks so hard they bleed (trust me, it's more romantic than it sounds). They're the moments I want to share. We have something pretty special, I knew it when we met and I'm sharing it so people know it exists. 

It's not always sunshine and rainbows but it's never unbearable. Sometimes it requires more attention than we are able to give but it's worth it everyday. 

I'll be getting married on 16 November, that's 8 days from now. I'll share some of that special day with you but what I really want to share is our first year of marriage. The 'hardest' apparently. I'm not expecting it to be hard or boring or easy or mad. I don't hold on to other's expectations. That's just silly. 
I'm just going to keep on loving the man who continually makes me laugh and pray and hope we get it right. 

I want people to know what is actually real and true. I found love at 20 (when we first met) but others find it at 17, 36, 74 and plenty more. There's no rule or deadline. There are way too many negative articles and books on love and marriage and quite frankly I'm not buying in to them anymore. They can't be helping people love. All they do is fuel an angry fire. You don't have to live on those grounds. Live your own love but in the meantime, I'll be sharing mine.